Rescue me...

Ooh, he makes me oh so ready for whatever. His swag, sensuality, appealing nature, and that awesome body are few of the perks he possesses to keep my eyes on the prize. My interest in tomorrow peaks every time we speak. I look over him with my magnifying glass, looking for a flaw to devalue this burning inside but yet, every time I find a nick in the paint, I realize it’s what makes him the man he is today. He’s one step ahead of my insecurities and right when the words of failure are on the tip of my tongue, he releases me from my heavy load of failed relationships and reiterates that this could actually be a good thing. He’s strong, yet gentle and has a soul of a man that has walked miles in failure, yet succeeded because he refused to give up the fight. He uplifts my every thought of new ideas to make my future that filled with progress. His contribution to my happiness is abundant and he fills a void that has been there since my youth. Why do I feel unworthy of his love and affection? His reassurance of his admiration for me rolls off my back like the mental rolling of my eyes at the thought that someone could love me for me. I keep denying myself the chance to be happy, settling for not even second best, when all the while, I passed up a good thing, worried about what he “might” do, when clearly, the actions he’s made thus far, have only been beneficial to my elevated self-esteem. Why can’t I look past the dawn and see the sun rise? The reason, all too familiar to many, is that I’m so afraid of not having a lifetime with him, that I hesitate to show him how much I yearn to be with him and to make him happy. I’ve practiced many times before, leaving the test subjects wanting more of what I have to offer the perfect mate God has for me. But am I ignoring God’s blessing? It’s not my intention, as for so long, I’ve allowed the others to steal my joy and now I guard it with all the strength God gave me, no longer able to tell the difference between love and another sucker waiting for an opportunity to make me distrust every advance from a man. When will it end? When will I learn to realize there is a genuine someone out there for me? Somebody, please, rescue me…