Rescue me...

Ooh, he makes me oh so ready for whatever. His swag, sensuality, appealing nature, and that awesome body are few of the perks he possesses to keep my eyes on the prize. My interest in tomorrow peaks every time we speak. I look over him with my magnifying glass, looking for a flaw to devalue this burning inside but yet, every time I find a nick in the paint, I realize it’s what makes him the man he is today. He’s one step ahead of my insecurities and right when the words of failure are on the tip of my tongue, he releases me from my heavy load of failed relationships and reiterates that this could actually be a good thing. He’s strong, yet gentle and has a soul of a man that has walked miles in failure, yet succeeded because he refused to give up the fight. He uplifts my every thought of new ideas to make my future that filled with progress. His contribution to my happiness is abundant and he fills a void that has been there since my youth. Why do I feel unworthy of his love and affection? His reassurance of his admiration for me rolls off my back like the mental rolling of my eyes at the thought that someone could love me for me. I keep denying myself the chance to be happy, settling for not even second best, when all the while, I passed up a good thing, worried about what he “might” do, when clearly, the actions he’s made thus far, have only been beneficial to my elevated self-esteem. Why can’t I look past the dawn and see the sun rise? The reason, all too familiar to many, is that I’m so afraid of not having a lifetime with him, that I hesitate to show him how much I yearn to be with him and to make him happy. I’ve practiced many times before, leaving the test subjects wanting more of what I have to offer the perfect mate God has for me. But am I ignoring God’s blessing? It’s not my intention, as for so long, I’ve allowed the others to steal my joy and now I guard it with all the strength God gave me, no longer able to tell the difference between love and another sucker waiting for an opportunity to make me distrust every advance from a man. When will it end? When will I learn to realize there is a genuine someone out there for me? Somebody, please, rescue me…

When tokens become tolls...

He prepared himself, day after day, by awakening far earlier than necessary. But necessary to him it was, as he knew he was a slow riser and in need of his daily jog to make ready for the tasks at hand, not to mention, his commute was decent, but could possibly be delayed by others so frantically squeezing a 30 minute drive into 15. So as he polished himself in the mirror, he made sure the dimples in his tie were dapper and the creases in his shirt were sharp. He checked his stash of tokens in his pocket to make sure if traffic preceded its reputation of being a beast, he could hop in the toll lane and cruise his way ahead of the madness. He valued his stash, knowing it would save the day when the woman in the next lane prepares her make up in her visor mirror, not realizing the man ahead of her with fresh hot coffee had abruptly applied his brakes. For the last 4 months, he had never used his stash as his daily routine proved to be valuable and beneficial. He patted his pocket for a final confirmation that he was protected by his tokens, grabbed his briefcase, jacket and keys. He hopped into the driver’s seat and said a little prayer for travelling graces before pulling out of the garage. After 20 minutes of smooth sailing, a wave of brakes lights appeared before him, not even a mile before the next entrance to the toll lane. He thought about taking the shoulder lane down to the entrance, avoiding early morning misery but second-guessed that idea and stayed in traffic. "How much longer could I be here?" Estimating only 3 more exits with 25 minutes to spare at a 15-mile per hour crawl, he chose to save his tokens and endure the last stretch. Now 45 minutes later, after mentally crucifying rubber-neckers, he parked his car in his reserved spot, attempting to come up with a better excuse than "traffic" for his tardiness to the morning's board meeting. He thought to himself, "I should have paid the toll." Yet it was too late to look back. Now, wishing he had spent his tokens to pay his toll, he realized this... Tokens are of value in which only you can place a price on. At which point those tokens become a toll, paid in full, is of your own decision. No one can decide their fate but you.  Holding on to them, even when the time to pay your toll arises, makes them as valuable as a second guess.

Many will apply...

I put a "Now Hiring" sign in the window. The last handy man wasn't as handy as I thought. He caused more damage than he could repair. So I had to give him his pink slip and prepare for the next applicant. I decided not to post the job title or description, as often times, when describing what we want or need, it is hard to put it in words that are correctly interpreted by all audiences. So, just simply, "now hiring."  As the days past, inquiring minds and hopeful candidates peeked in the window, checked out the retail, some passing by. Others stopped in briefly, some forming an opinion based on all the goods on the shelf that this might be a task in which the pay was not worthy of their time. Others stayed long enough to inquire on the position’s requirements, gave a brief presentation of their qualifications, but none of them really fit the bill. There are a small few still under review, who have obtained the education and expertise likely to fulfill the needs of the vacancy. The hiring process is the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time and it seems, with running a successful business, it's a never-ending battle. And with business booming, I have to watch out for the applicants with "borrowed" skills they saw on the next man’s business card. So many perpetrate the fraud to get their foot in the door. And finding out they are not qualified after the fact... that leaves me right back where I started. But from all the past employees, I've learned to ask the right questions in interviews. These are the straight-forward questions that get their attention and make them flinch when I make eye contact waiting on the answer. Until I find the right one, the probation period will be extended, benefits will not be granted and the pay will remain low, until he earns all rewards of working for me.

Life's Journey

It may not seem like much to you, but my journey has been filled with twists and turns, trying to find "me" along the way, when all the while, my ever-changing identity was right before my eyes. Trials have taught me to be eager to bend but tribulations have made me not easily broken. I've learned that life is like the best pitcher on the mound, standing before me with an eye-squenching stare, his back-catcher in my shadow waiting to receive all that was for me but not missed by thy confidence in "the next opportunity." Many of times, I've second-guessed myself and wondered, after the fact, if I am really equipped, qualified, or even worthy of my fate when the devil himself is always in my ear encouraging my next move. You see, he's been there all along yet so has someone else. And even though "someone else" was not so easy to hear with my free-will in the palm of my hands, I've learned to see past the smog and observe the lighthouse, guiding me past the iceburgs that are bound to take me out. Now, as I reach the shore of my destination, I realize that my journey has just begun. I know that this is just the first stop on my world tour. Now it's time for me to review my map and plot my next adventure.